This is the last Doctor Who story before Matt Smith regenerated into Peter Capaldi (don't you know)
Poor Doctor needs a poo!
But where's the toilet? Boo hoo hoo!
The one on the Tardis has a block in it,
It was Clara's fault when she last had a shit!
He needs to lay a massive chod,
And turns to Clara with a nod.
"Let's go to Planet Veriantrakool
So I can drop the kids off at the pool!"
This was a toilet planet, they say,
Bowls and bidets and games to play.
So they go land in the Space Dock,
They get out and it's a barren rock?
"Doctor, the toilets are gone!" Clara says,
"No bidets, blocked with thick curly hairs,"
"No sinks for our hands, no middens to fill,
No Portaloos that are ready to spill!"
"This is just great!", The Doctor cries out,
"A mission for us, enemies to clout,"
"Someone to defeat, before I must shit,
Well, come on Clara, let's get on with it."
So they explore the planet, lonely and barren,
Then they encounter an explorer called Darren!
Darren gets up, "Away you must go!
No, you must not stay! No no no no!"
"They've killed everyone, like my friend Vance,
And the cleaners, the wipers, the attendants!"
"They blew up the toilets into tiny little bits,
So no one can piss, sick, or do big shits!"
"Who are they that destroyed everything?
Where is the minister? Where is the King?"
"They've all gone now. Everyone is dead,
Let's get out of here now!", poor Darren said.
The Doctor strains and lets out a sly fart,
"Well, that's bought me some time, now let's depart!"
His sonic screwdriver was bright as 'twas day,
"Follow me, the bad guys are this way!"
Darren and Clara could not help but follow,
The turd filled Doctor, into this dark hollow.
This tunnel went down, and past flew a moth,
"Let's solve this crisis before I touch cloth!"
The Doctor stopped before a steel door,
"Let's hope this place has shitters, and more!"
Darren said "You don't want to go there,
This is their base, their big evil lair!"
"Well, I need to shit, I need to go forth"
So with his screwdriver, he unlocked the door-th.
The three of them entered this underground base,
Saw wires and screens all over the place.
"Do they know we are here?" Clara implied,
"This place looks empty, barren and wide."
"The attackers may have abandoned this place,
There's no one here, not even a trace!"
"Let's go find the Gents, then." The Doctor said now,
"I'll ask this computer, it might just know how."
But the terminal sounded off an alarm!
"Don't panic! Just seem very very calm!"
"It looks for people that panic and flee,
Stay still like a statue, just wait and see."
The alarm ceased, and the computer spake,
"You all are outsiders, have you come here to break?"
"Someone smashed all the toilets, the bidets and all,
They even destroyed all the brightly tiled wall."
"We come here in peace!" The Doctor implied,
"The attackers said that, the attackers they lied!"
"I just need a dump." said the Doctor, bereft,
"Well, why didn't you say, they're there on the left."
The Doctor staggered on, forward and true,
His sphincter so tight, so he would not poo.
He reached the Gents' door, so he could defecate,
He opened the door and... "EXTERMINATE!"
His poo plans thwarted, by a single Dalek,
"YOU ARE THE DOCTOR!" "Oh bloody heck!"
"YOU WILL SURRENDER TO THE DALEK RACE!"
"How did you recognise me from this face?"
"I wiped all your memories from all of you lot,
But you're different, now what have we got?"
"A rogue Dalek out here in it's own,
Now why are you here, why are you all alone?"
"I... I... WAS LOST IN THE TIME WAR." the Dalek explained,
"Do you think I am stupid? That I'm little brained?"
"Everyone in the Time War has perished or gone,
And I've met them all, and boy, that was fun."
"There's something about you that just isn't right,
Let's solve this all now, so I can go shite."
The Doctor aimed his screwdriver at the Dalek's head,
Its seal then exploded, and it stopped quite stone dead.
"You've killed it?" asked Clara, her face all confused,
"Not really", said Doctor, "Though I am quite amused."
"You can come out now." he said to the Dalek shell,
The head lifted up, "You win, ah, oh hell!"
Darren ran over, "You fucking little prick!
I thought you were dead, with my mate Rick!"
"You two know each other?" The Doctor asked them both,
"His name is Nigel, and we two sweared an oath."
"We would both never leave each other's side,
But Nigel came here, to run and to hide."
"I was scared! So I hid in this fake Dalek suit,
And guarded this toilet, so it wouldn't become loot."
"It's the only working toilet on this war-scarred rock,
So I had to stand guard, if thieves broke the lock."
"Excuse me, please, I really need to poo."
The Doctor gestured at the room with the loo.
"Be my guest." said Nigel "You may use the bog,
So go and sit down, and poop out your log!"
So the Doctor went in and bolted shut the door,
Grunt splash, grunt splash, and grunt splash some more.
Twenty minutes had passed, was it longer than this?
Clara knocked on the door, "Doctor, I need a piss!"
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